are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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