If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
