My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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