I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
