Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
