Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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