If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
