bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize