dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
