I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I am available for nakedness
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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