Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
