Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
