his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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