i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
