my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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