remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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