Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
