yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she smelled like a LAN party
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
