Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
