matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
