Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize