sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
