I accidentally had phone sex last night
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
