Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
