like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
