dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
A+ Viking dick
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
