woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
