Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
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