He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
