wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
