'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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