i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
