The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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