My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
