toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
3pm strippers are depressing
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
