grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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