apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
