the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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