I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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