I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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