Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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