New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
