If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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