I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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