I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
