Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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