If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
