Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
