Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
