Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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