My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
