i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
